I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize