I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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