I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
