So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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