I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
