there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
