there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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