Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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