my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cut my penus on the lid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
