so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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