i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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