Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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