I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
