she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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