i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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