I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
