Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
