Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
