Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
