Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
