im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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