Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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