he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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