you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
