but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
