yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
