I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
