im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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