its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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