if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
