So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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