His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
