I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
