I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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