please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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