When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
