We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
bring money and cleavage
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
