did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
