he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
