Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize