look no pants
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
