Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
