Whoa Z and x make the same sound
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize