the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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