Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i think i just lost a toe
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
