like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
