Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
