if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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