I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
