I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
