Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
