Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
