oh god the rape fog is back!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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