Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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