i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
