Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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