I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
