I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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