I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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