Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
