I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
