she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
