I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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