We got so high we made milksteak
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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