you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
