I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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