how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm both gender and math confused
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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