i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
